Post-Holiday Bulking

Listen, you've been downing eggnog and candy like a madman this past week (if you're me) and this upcoming week you're probably going to make some BS resolution to lose whatever weight or become like Brad Pitt in (Fight Club, Snatch, Oceans 11).

But don't. Please.

Firstly, you're probably not going to last. Secondly, resolutions are dumb. When was the last time you ever took anyone seriously about them?

So I posted this a while back, but it's a general eating guide for bulking, or as I termed it: Meathead Dietetics. It's intended to replace the food pyramid/my plate/ zone diet/ paleo/ whatever.


For the swole/bloat/strong eater there are new food categories:

• Plates (e.g. chips, wings, etc- anything that you can put something else on, preferably ranch, cheese, ketchup or something processed)  This is what we call "functional food."
• Whole hand foods- because finger foods won't cut it. Forks, knives and spoons will just slow you down. Sandwiches, pizza, ribs, etc.  Dan John once said if you're eating to get big, get rid of forks. They slow you down. Or maybe it was spoons. Point is, if God wanted you to eat with a utensil, he wouldn't have given you the cow or pig with their delicious ribs or the chicken with its wings.
• Vegetables- a great way of eating more ranch dressing.  
• Quick service food- the dollar menu is a great value. Get one of everything on it along with your meal.

Now, to be clear, this is not a continual thing. This is essentially riding the Mancember bulk well into Manuary. By the time you stop caring about food, it's time to wind down. Start by only going crazy after the workout. Then transition into a Leangains or whatever recomp/fat loss diet you like. I like Leangains. Following those basic principles, I managed to lose 20 lbs in 6 weeks, no strength loss, and I don't look like a catabolic weakling.

My current plan is basically just maintaining until competition. Lots of protein- somewhere in the range of 350-400 g a day, carbs are around 300 g, and fats are incidental + plenty of fish oil and olive oil. I take about 15000 IU of vitamin d E3D, and 3 g of vitamin C a day when I remember to. Other than that, I've run through my biote$t cache (good riddance) and am using a custom made cookies and creme protein mix from trueprotein (50% hydrolyzed whey, 5% fructose, 10% dextrose, 15% maltodextrin, 5% ALCAR, 5% citrulline malate, and 10% creapure). I add some table sugar to make it tolerable to drink. It looks like sewer water, but I can drink a whole 2L pretty easily, so that's a good thing. 

Coming soon: blogs on the gym bag, my meet report, accessory work and why and how to use blocks of training.